Anh Buồn

Anh Buồn means "I'm sad." Why am I sad? Thanks for asking. I'm sad because lately I've had too much downtime. Too much time to reflect on my life. Clearly, I can quickly remedy this situation by working more and busying myself with random affairs, but that would be just brushing it under the rug.

I haven't felt this depressed since my early days in Vietnam. When I wondered if I should stay or go. Since then, I've been fairly busy with school, teaching and just hanging out with friends. And not worrying about too much because well, there wasn't a lot of time for that.

Now, this week, I'm changing my schedule. So, I have fewer classes for the time being. In addition to this, three friends have hit the high road and left Vietnam. One of them, my buddy Reuben from Australia, was my partner in crime on Monday nights. We'd go out after work and explore different restaurants and bars.

In the past, I found I really enjoyed my alone time. More recently, I am discovering I want to be around people. I still know, however, when I'm done, I'm done. I need to be removed from my immediate surroundings at once and be placed in bed or be allowed to vegetate in front of my computer.

So, what is my problem? Well, I don't have a lot of friends. Story of my life I think. I seem to know everyone, but am close friends with few. I don't know why this is. Either I am afraid to open up, am unwilling to open up or other people are at fault for those same reasons.

I certainly don't mind eating a meal by myself. Or having a beer by myself on occasion. But I find I do this far too frequently. I want to share more moments. Not every moment, I have to ease into it, but I certainly could stand to be a bit more social.

Loneliness is an interesting thing. It's up to the loner to change the situation I guess. And branch out and put yourself out on a limb. But in my old age, I find it even more difficult to find people whose company I enjoy. And so, more often that I should, I opt to be alone.

I'm also finding I'm tired of sleeping alone and showering alone and motorbiking alone. Time to find a blow up doll or at least a big pillow. Seriously though, I could use some company. I could use a mate from both sexes. I know life is meant to be shared and I'm tired of hogging all the covers.