I've got the fever

And not just any old fever. I've got yellow fever. They didn't tell me to get immunized for this one. Yellow fever is a viral disease that is transmitted to humans through the bite of infected mosquitoes. Did you know that? The CDC did not recommend getting the vaccine for people traveling in southeast Asia. Apparently, it is more common in sub-Saharan Africa and tropical South America. I thought I would be okay. I was wrong.

It began over a month ago. I can't exactly say when it all began. It crept up slowly and now it appears to be a full blown case. The major symptom appears to be a persistent swelling in the groin when in the presence of attractive Asian women. Did I really just write that? Gad, let the truth be told. Let me reveal my sins. I am guilty. Lock me up and throw away the key.

Anyway, if you are still with me, another symptom, although not quite as problematic, is finding many many many women attractive. A much higher proportion than normal. A higher proportion that can even be possible. So, here I am, in Vietnam, double-taking down the street, would be triple-taking if it weren't for the bevy of beautiful women continually causing me to refocus my attention. But don't worry about me, I am definitely discreet. Yeah.

So, hmmm, maybe that's why Tyler is still in Vietnam. Maybe. It's not the only thing I like about it here. But it certainly is one of those things that has drawn me in. I don't know, perhaps it will subside. After all, I did have the Spanish flu for a month. At the time I thought there was no cure. I was destined for a life in southern Spain, eating tapas, listening to flamenco and chattering away in fluent espanol. I don't know what happened to that destiny.

Now, here I sit, unable to move, mired down in a bog, breaking out in occasional sweats and fits of insanity, overcome with this fever. Yellow fever. I feel like it sounds racist, but let me say I have no inclination to be racist to anyone. Yellow fever is an actual disease. It is also the name of a band. A decent sounding band. And yellow is how the Vietnamese describe the color of their skin. So there.

I've got the fever. I'll admit that much. I feel like a kid in a candy store for the first time. Only I can't really have anything I want. Maybe I'm the candy and I'm seeing all the kids come in and I'm thinking pick me, pick me, pick me! Take me home tonight. I don't want to let you go till you see the light! Take me home tonight! - Eddie Money (1986)

Only, a kid in a candy store sounds like a gross analogy. How about a thirsty woman at a vending machine? I'm one of those sodas trying to glisten my can in her direction. Let me refresh you! Put your lips all over me! Ok, seriously, this is going nowhere. I better get out of here before people start reading over my shoulder.