I got beer stuck between my teeth

It is Saturday night in Saigon. 10:22pm. I am lounging on my bed that sags heavily in the middle. I am out of gas. It has been raining since about 2:30 this afternoon. And because of said rain, there is a puddle on the floor in my room. I'm not overly concerned.

I feel quite abnormal today and I can't explain it. I feel like I'm on drugs and I really don't like it. Like a bad trip, if I could guess what a bad trip was like. It all started after I consumed the 7up and the bucket of sugared popcorn.

I knew it was a bad combination. I was going to be all hyped up for work. However, it seemed to have the reverse effect. I was exhausted. After a couple of near misses on the motorbike, I arrived at work and could not stop wiping the boogers from my eyes.

Yes, there is a lot of crap in the air, which creates the most enormous eye boogers the eye has ever seen. The eyes are working overtime and wearing glasses only seems to cause more problems. The debris bounces off my face, gets trapped behind my glasses and then ricochets back into my eyes.

After my first two classes of the afternoon, I find myself fading slowly. My eyes will not stay open and I am wiping slime from them every 15 minutes. Something is amiss. I go get an iced coffee and some Mentos. On my way back, a gang of Vietnamese men force me to chug a beer.

This does not help things. I feel better, but even more wiped out. Then I drink my coffee and eat my Mentos. I think I have overdosed on sugar. Then I "teach" my class - perhaps the worst performance in my short-lived career. It doesn't help when the computer won't start and when it does, the DVD won't play.

Now, I'm back at home, too exhausted to attend a friend's housewarming party. Instead, I've consumed a couple Tigers, some peanuts and some vegetable chips. I think I was trying to balance out my sugar intake with the appropriate amount of salt.

And oh how that shortening, monosodium glutamate and other shit I'd normally never consume tastes good. Mentos? Come on, I haven't eaten those since 1983. 7up? I stopped drinking soda in 1995. Chips? I really don't partake in such activities. Beer? Same same. Ok, obviously that last one is a complete and utter lie.

What I'm saying is that I haven't got a clue what I'm actually babbling on about. All I know is that my eyes are about to seal themselves shut and I wish I had some air conditioning. And maybe that I didn't have to wake up for class in the morning. But it is what it is. And it is all good. Good night.