Should I stay or should I go?

That is the question of the day. Actually it has been the question of the past couple weeks. I am torn. I really like Vietnam. I am intrigued. So much raw energy, much of it positive. My head is buzzing - bzzzzz! But what the fuck, excuse my language, am I going to do here? I can't just "hang out" all day and be a non-productive member of society. I absolutely have to do something before I go crazy.

So, what do I do? The most obvious and lucrative option for a no-skill-having, would-be-deadbeat-dad-if-I-had-children kind of guy is an English teacher. I don't have certification. No worries! English teachers are in high demand. Yesterday, I actually got a job. I think. I can't really tell, but this strange guy seems to want me to teach in his schools. Personally, I think he wants to use me as a front, to entice local students to his schools showing them that "Yes, indeed, I have foreign teachers. Straight from the USA. Lookie here!"

I even got paid for my time yesterday. Well, hell, I should have for sitting around in my most uncomfortable attire (read: dress clothes) in a non-airconditioned room for the majority of the afternoon not really knowing what was going on. I still don't. All I know is that I "interviewed" prospective students. And I "taught" a class with no real prior warning. This guy basically threw me in to do his friend a favor. Yes, it seems a bit shady. But he did pay me 10 bucks for my efforts.

So, now I ask myself again: what the fuck am I doing? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? The answer it seems, as always, is I don't know. Like I said, I am torn. I want to stay, I really do. I just don't know if I want to teach English. Then what?

I have to admit, a part of me wants to get moving again too. Wants to run the hell away. And fast. But for what? To escape? To run back home - where the dollar is falling and a recession is impending? Is this the end? I don't mean the apocalypse, I just mean are the glory days over for the good 'ol US of A? If so, I don't want to be there when it happens.

It is getting hot here. I am getting antsy. Can I do this? I don't know. All I know is this, I am a terrible decision maker. But to not decide, is to make a choice to be indecisive. I read that somewhere. I think it was Dr. Phil. I know I should be listening to myself. Listening to my heart. Following my intuition. Well, here's the problem. My intuition got lost. And it's too damn noisy here to listen to anything. So, now what!?

I'll figure my shit out. I always do. I just don't want to make a rash decision. I suppose a rash decision is better than no decision, well I don't know about that. See, there it is again, I don't know about that. What do I know? You know the answer to that one.