Housekeeping

I'm in my new hotel enjoying the quiet air conditioner and the breeze provided by my very own oscillating fan. It is a large room, my bed has pink flowery sheets and I have a non-functioning television and refrigerator. It is on the fifth floor and still receives too much street noise. And so, I still sleep with earplugs. It is ok, I can't complain too much. But you know I'm going to anyway.

It's not really a big deal, but it's on my mind and therefore, it must be released. I don't need a lot of attention, well I lied, I do, but I should say my room does not. You don't need to fix the bed, rearrange the furniture, fold my clothes or put a mint on my pillow. Just give me a clean towel, some toilet paper and take out the trash. For your information, the trash means used toilet paper. Please, take that shit out.

You could also sweep every once in a while and keep things dust free, but those kinds of things should really be done prior to my occupancy. I'm really not that picky. I just don't like someone else's hair clogging the shower drain. I also don't like it when I come home at night and my fan has disappeared. Thanks buddy. And I really don't like bumping the bathroom mirror and having an open tube of genital and labial herpes cream fall into my toiletry kit.

My last hotel's housekeeping was just the opposite. I had fresh soap, toilet paper, fluffy white towels and folded bedsheets. It's the extra little things that actually started to irk me. Pairing up my shoes, stacking up my books, folding my clothes. Do you have to touch everything? I came home one day and found my dirty laundry folded nicely and placed in a bag. Apparently it was all too much to bear sitting in a pile on the floor.

I don't really like anyone touching my dirty underwear. Just a personal preference. That does not mean I have to do my own laundry. I can overlook that. But seriously, if you don't have to, why would you touch someone's dirty drawers? Not that I'm saying mine are dirty of course. And please, stop envisioning me in my underwear.

On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the least offending and 10 being the most offending, I'd say dirty underwear would be a 10. What could top that? Then you have dirty socks below that and then maybe shirts and shorts and trousers coming in towards the bottom. The whole thing kind of freaks me out. Makes me think the offending housekeeper might have a fetish with worn underwear. I envision this person taking a long inhalation and prancing around the room with them over their head. Get that imagery out of my head.