On the balcony

I am sitting on my fourth floor balcony - yes, I have a balcony - overlooking Han Can street. It is noisy as usual and the honking really drives me to the brink, but what can I do? I like my location here and the view from above, but I would not choose to sleep with earplugs on a nightly basis.

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There is finally a breeze. It is the most beautiful thing that has happened since I woke up this morning. It feels rejuvenating. It really does. It is not even hot here yet and I am wiping my brow more often than my ass. And I am having some trouble breathing, which I am attributing to my own anxiety of what will happen next, but in reality it is also probably affected by the air pollution and my lack of recent exercise. I just hope it subsides because the bastard in me easily finds its way out.
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I am really happy for this great big tree with beautiful green leaves. It makes me happy. And the eclectic mix of buildings around here in varying states of decay. And the mannequins I can see in the fourth floor window across the street. And the dead plants in the planter box. The broken blinds. The woman working in the second floor kitchen. Oh this breeze is fantastic.

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There are so many aerials on the surrounding buildings. I had not noticed that before. Usually I only see laundry. Everywhere. I definitely need to get in the flow here. Otherwise why the fuck am I here? Being a fly on the wall is fun for a while until you really want to see what's going on. You have to get off the sidelines and get into the game. Yes, I am really getting into it now. But seriously, I want to learn Vietnamese and how will I do so just bumming around? Get involved. I want to have a purpose. So get one. Just fucking do something and quit bitching about everything.

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This whole watching the world go by is great until you become jealous that you're not really engaged like everyone else seems to be. I don't think people are engaged as it seems, but definitely more than me. How could they not be?

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I liken it to seeing others out having a good time and thinking why am I not doing that? And then when I am doing that, I'm thinking why am I not doing something else? I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. I just need to get active and stop thinking so much. Occupy my mind, get a job, meet people, have things to do, become one with Vietnam. It is time.

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The bats are out on this fine, fine evening. The smiling mouth of the moon is too. It's the first time I've noticed either of them. I guess I haven't spent so much time on my balcony. I need to eat dinner soon, well that's absurd to say since I'm not hungry. I'm just conditioned to think so because it's nearly "dinner time." I do, however, need to shower off some of this stink and keep breathing one breath at a time. I am feeling better already.

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For some unknown reason, this gad-damn blog editor will not allow me to put spaces between my paragraphs. So I have added dots... It pisses me off and needed to be said.