Paranoia strikes again

Yesterday was a good day. I was hoping for some carryover. I don't know what happened. It all began this morning over a cup of tea. A cup of Lipton tea and a spoonful of sugar. No more hard drugs for me I tell you. That means no black tea, no coffee and no more rice wine. Well, I'll do my best to at least limit my consumption.

For whatever reason I can't have tea on an empty stomach. I felt ill and jittery for a few hours, then just jittery and ultimately quite paranoid. I can't breathe right, always in seek of the perfect breath. And people are watching me. I hate that. I eat alone a lot. Sometimes out of preference. Sometimes I have no choice. Why are you looking at me? Why do you pity me? I have to eat don't I? I have to go.

So I go upon completion of my meal and everyone along the way is still watching me. I want to hide, but my hotel is still a ways away. A ways away, I like that. I decide to drown out the paranoia with a feeding frenzy. It was a feeble attempt. The bag of peanut candy only filled me up and did nothing to reduce my labored breathing or the business inside my head. I alternate between watching an eight-ball tournament and the HBO special, but I still can't relax. I am way too tense.

I feel like kicking in an involuntary kind of way. My face is greasy and I feel itchy. A beer would definitely deaden the activity in my head, but it is too early. Besides, I am doing my best to quench my thirst in other ways. I just want to take a nap and wake up and have it be normal again. Have me be sane again. That might be difficult. Maybe bring me as close to my prior level of sanity as possible. Please. Thank you. Amen.

Maybe I should start over. Get in the shower again. Shave. Brush my teeth. Change my underwear. Put on some new clothes. Then try it all over again. And if it doesn't work this time, then I'm grabbing a beer. Because I can't deal.